How the body keeps the score on trauma | Bessel van der Kolk for Big Think+

Acclaimed psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, author of “The Body Keeps The Score,” discusses the widespread existence of trauma and how it manifests in our bodies.

The Happy Fits - Dirty Imbecile (Revisited - official music video)

 The Happy Fits - Dirty Imbecile

If I’m so smart and I’m so pretty
Damn this town and damn this city
You never give me anything that I want
No one seems to really care
They're just wholly unaware
Of all the blood and sweat I cry before dawn

But you won’t understand
All the things that I am
Cause' I’m crazy in just too many ways
But I get that little feel
When my heart starts beating; lungs stop breathing;
All my fibers say to run away

Count my little scars; I’ve got dozens down inside
I come complete and invincible behind my dirty imbecile
All these things I’ve tried, boy: Be cute, be dumb, be wise, be young
So don’t tell me what to fear in the darkness of this atmosphere

Love my mum and love my daddy
Sure they messed me up but that is
Voices that they left inside of my head
Darling, dearest, don’t you see
I’m tough, I’m smart, I’m bourgeoisie?
And I’ll play out this lie until we’re all dead
But you won’t understand
All the things that I am
Cause' I’m crazy in just too many ways
But I get that little feel
When my heart starts beating; lungs stop breathing;
All my fibers say to run away


Count my little scars; I’ve got dozens down inside
I come complete and invincible behind my dirty imbecile
All these things I’ve tried, boy: Be cute, be dumb, be wise, be young
So don’t tell me what to fear in the darkness of this atmosphere

Am I good? Is all I could enough for you?
I’m so scared of when and where I’ll find the truth

Am I good? Is all I could enough for you?
(Count my little scars; I’ve got dozens down inside
I come complete and invincible behind my dirty imbecile)
I’m so scared of when and where I’ll find the truth
(All these things I’ve tried, boy: Be cute, be dumb, be wise, be young
So don’t tell me what to fear in the darkness of this atmosphere)
(Am I good? Is all I could enough for you?)
Count my little scars; I’ve got dozens down inside
I come complete and invincible behind my dirty imbecile
(I’m so scared of when and where I’ll find the truth)
All these things I’ve tried, boy: Be cute, be dumb, be wise, be young
So don’t tell me what to fear in the darkness of this atmosphere

(Am I good? Is all I could enough for you?)
Count my little scars; I’ve got dozens down inside
I come complete and invincible behind my dirty imbecile
(I’m so scared of when and where I’ll find the truth)
All these things I’ve tried, boy: Be cute, be dumb, be wise, be young
So don’t tell me what to fear in the darkness of this atmosphere

(Oh, ooh)
Oh
Oh, oh
(Oh, oh-oh-oh, I am—)
Oh
Oh, oh

I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Absinthe

IDKHOW - Absinthe 

Bring to me
Your sons and daughters
‘Cause absinthe makes the heart
Grow fonder

I don’t care what momma says
You’ll wind me up
Or you’ll wind up dead

I don’t care what momma says

I don’t believe whatever this is
Until you burn all of the witches
I won’t believe whatever this is
Whatever they give you
Stop drinking it down

If I were you
Then I’d stop talking
'Cause soon you’ll be a dead man walking

I don’t care what momma says
You’ll wind me up
Or you’ll wind up dead

I don’t care what momma says

I don’t believe whatever this is
Until you burn all of the witches
I won’t believe whatever this is
Whatever they give you
Stop drinking it down

I hear voices
I see visions
These spirits
Are your prison

X 2
I don’t believe whatever this is
Until you burn all of the witches
I don’t believe whatever this is
Until you burn all of the witches
I don’t believe whatever this is
Until you burn all of the witches
I don’t believe whatever this is

Fabrizio - Before the Soul Goes to Waste (The Most Unexpected Voice I've Ever Heard )

Fabrizio - Before the Soul Goes to Waste 

Before the soul goes to waste
I was young and fragile when the liquor took hold
It came as a friend but it left as a foe
If I could go back to the very first sip
I’d clean up the wound that the booze bandaged

Two fifths of whiskey to start the night off
I’d get drunk with the moon go to bed with the sun
Next morning, the taste of familiar regret
You sip on the poison, slow deaths what you get

But the craving is worse than last night
If I don’t quit soon it’ll claim me for life
I’m scared to try one more time
‘Cause when I relapse it feels like a crime

There was a time when drinking felt like making love
Now that woman wants more but I’ve had enough
I’m weary and I’m a fool for falling in temptation
it pulls all my strings and dilutes the hesitation

But the craving is worse than last night
If I don’t quit soon it’ll claim me for life
I’m scared to try one more time
‘Cause when I relapse it feels like a crime
‘Cause when I relapse it feels like a crime

I don’t trust the bottle or its intentions for my life
it wakes up the ghosts that my father left behind
And if I must return to my old deranged ways
Get rid of the body before the soul goes to waste

Red - Already Over (Epic Version)

 Red - Already Over

You never go
You're always here 
Suffocating me
Under my skin
I cannot run away
Fading slowly

I give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose
Loving you again
I know it's already over, already over now

My best defense
Running from you 
Cost me everything
I can't resist
Take all you want from me
Breaking slowly

I give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose 
Loving you again
I know it's already over, already over now

You're all I'm reaching for
It's already over
All I'm reaching for
It's already over now

I give it all to you 
I offer up my soul
It's already over, already over now!

Give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall 
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose
Loving you again
I know it's already over now
It's already over now
I know it's already over, already over

Fall Out Boy - Immortals (from Big Hero 6)

Fall Out Boy - Immortals 

[Verse 1]
They say we are what we are
But we don't have to be
I'm bad behavior, but I do it in the best way
I'll be the watcher (Watcher)
Of the eternal flame
I'll be the guard dog of all your fever dreams

[Pre-Chorus]
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass, glass (Glass)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
I try to picture me without you, but I can't

[Chorus]
'Cause we could be immortals, immortals
Just not for long, for long
And live with me forever now
And pull the blackout curtains down
Just not for long, for long

[Post-Chorus]
We could be immor—, immortals
Immor—, immortals
Immor—, immortals
Immor—, immortals

[Interlude]
(Imm—, immortals)

[Verse 2]
Sometimes, the only payoff for having any faith
Is when it's tested again and again every day
I'm still comparing your past to my future
It might be your wound, but they're my sutures

[Pre-Chorus]
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass, glass (Glass)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
I try to picture me without you, but I can't

[Chorus]
'Cause we could be immortals, immortals
Just not for long, for long
And live with me forever now
And pull the blackout curtains down
Just not for long, for long

[Post-Chorus]
We could be immor—, immortals
Immor—, immortals
[Interlude]
(Immortals)

[Bridge]
And live with me forever now
And pull the blackout curtains down

[Chorus]
We could be immortals, immortals
Just not for long, for long

[Post-Chorus]
We could be immor—, immortals
Immor—, immortals
Immor—, immortals
Immor—, immortals

[Outro]
(Imm—, immortals)

OneRepublic - Counting Stars

OneRepublic - Counting Stars

 [Intro]
Lately, I've been, I've been losin' sleep
Dreamin' about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been prayin' hard
Said no more countin' dollars, we'll be countin' stars
Yeah, we'll be countin' stars

[Verse 1]
I see this life, like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
And in my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye' shall find
[Refrain]
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
On just doing what we're told

[Pre-Chorus]
I feel something so right doin' the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong doin' the right thing
I couldn't lie, couldn't lie, couldn't lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

[Chorus]
Lately, I've been, I've been losin' sleep
Dreamin' about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been prayin' hard
Said no more countin' dollars, we'll be countin' stars
Lately, I've been, I've been losin' sleep
Dreamin' about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been prayin' hard
Said no more countin' dollars, we'll be, we'll be countin' stars

[Verse 2]
I feel your love and I feel it burn
Down this river, every turn
Hope is our four-letter word
Make that money, watch it burn
[Refrain]
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
On just doing what we're told

[Pre-Chorus]
I feel something so wrong doin' the right thing
I couldn't lie, couldn't lie, couldn't lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

[Chorus]
Lately, I've been, I've been losin' sleep
Dreamin' about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been prayin' hard
Said no more countin' dollars, we'll be countin' stars
Lately, I've been, I've been losin' sleep
Dreamin' about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been prayin' hard
Said no more countin' dollars, we'll be, we'll be countin' stars

[Bridge]
Take that money, watch it burn
Sink in the river the lessons I learned
Take that money, watch it burn
Sink in the river the lessons I learned
Take that money, watch it burn
Sink in the river the lessons I learned
Take that money, watch it burn
Sink in the river the lessons I learned
[Pre-Chorus]
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

[Chorus]
Lately, I've been, I've been losin' sleep
Dreamin' about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been prayin' hard
Said no more countin' dollars, we'll be countin' stars
Lately, I've been, I've been losin' sleep
Dreamin' about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been prayin' hard
Said no more countin' dollars, we'll be, we'll be counting stars

[Outro]
Take that money, watch it burn
Sink in the river the lessons I've learned
Take that money, watch it burn
Sink in the river the lessons I've learned
Take that money, watch it burn
Sink in the river the lessons I've learned
Take that money, watch it burn
Sink in the river the lessons I've learned

Crowder - Crushing Snakes: Showdown Ft. TAYA

  Crowder - Crushing Snakes: Showdown

We’re not afraid
Terrors of night
Arrows that fly by day
Ten thousand may fall but we
We will remain

We’re not afraid
A promise of God
Can never be torn away
Walking on hands of angels
Crushing snakes
Safe under the shadow of His wings
Our fortress and our strength
Our fortress

We’re taking back our freedom
Our battle has been won
We have been liberated
Back from the dead,we’ve come

Do you see Him
King of Heaven
Champion of all creation

Eyes of fire
Voice of thunder
Tearing through the sky in wonder

Dressed in light we
See Him coming
On a horse that’s white like lightning

Do you see Him
Piercing through the sky
Breaking through the darkness
Do you see Him

I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Modern Day Cain

 IDKHOW - Modern Day Cain

A modern concussion 
The room is on fire
You're an upstanding model
of a modern day Cain
with impeccable style

But now you've done a little wrong
and you need to be forgiven 
by the vicar and the company you keep
and then you conjure up a fiction
to get the pretty girl to listen

This is the sin
That I will confess to release myself
from consequence
And everyone can tell

The moral objection
to something so profane 
but the deepest of convictions 
are the darkest positions
little remissions for the varicose vain 

Now you've done a little wrong 
and you swear you didn’t do it
but volition left you burdened with a curse
and then you conjure up a fiction
to get the pretty girls to listen

This is the sin
That I will confess to release myself
from consequence
And everyone can tell

The Warning - Ritual

The Warning - Ritual 

[Verse 1]
I think I'm going blind
Oh, I can't see the signs
I feel it coming, I feel it coming
I hope you close my eyes
When I run out of time
Can't keep on running, I keep becoming

[Pre-Chorus]
Unrealistically distressed
I play it out in my head
Catastrophically obsessed
It makes me wanna rip my heart out of my chest 'cause

[Chorus]
I just see death in what is beautiful
Plan all the funerals (Oh, oh, oh)
Everyone's blissfully delusional
But I deprive myself like it's a ritual

[Verse 2]
Ignoring my prescription
I've found my new addiction
Now I'm not eating, and I'm not sleeping
My mind is playing fiction
A curse of my existence
Hyperfixation, no medication

[Pre-Chorus]
Stops me from calling the dead
Light the candles on my bed
Bracing for the world to end
It makes me wanna rip my hair out of my head 'cause

[Chorus]
I just see death in what is beautiful
Plan all the funerals (Oh, oh, oh)
Everyone's blissfully delusional
But I deprive myself like it's a ritual

[Bridge]
(I run and run and run and run and run from nothing)
(I run and run and run and run and run from nothing)
(I run and run and run and run and run from nothing)
(I run and run and run and run and run from nothing)

[Chorus]
I just see death in what is beautiful
Plan all the funerals (Oh oh oh)
Everyone's blissfully delusional
But I deprive myself like it's a ritual

[Post-Chorus]
(I run and run and run and run and run from nothing)
But I deprive myself like it's a ritual
(I run and run and run and run and run from nothing)
(I run and run and run and run and run from nothing)
But I deprive myself like it's a ritual

Jeremy Camp - Dead Man Walking

 Jeremy Camp - Dead Man Walking

Freedom was something I never found
Trying to find six feet underground
Under the weight of all of my sin
Fighting the fight that I couldn't win
Then You rescued me
And now I can breathe
I was a dead man walking
Until I was a man walking with You
I was a blind man falling
Until I felt the life You're calling me to
Pulling me out of the darkness and
Pulling me out of the lies
Putting the beat in my heart again
I was a dead man walking
Until You loved this dead man walking back to life
I look for the words but cannot explain
A new kind of love ran into my veins
You are the key to all of my chains
To all that I was, now I'm not a slave
Then You rescued me
And now I can breathe
I was a dead man walking
Until I was a man walking with You
I was a blind man falling
Until I felt the life You're calling me to
Pulling me out of the darkness and
Pulling me out of the lies
Putting the beat in my heart again
I was a dead man walking
Until You loved this dead man walking back to life
I have tasted and I've seen the wonders of Your heart
I do not deserve a thing, but that's just who You are
I was a dead man walking
Until I was a man walking with You
I was a blind man falling
Until I felt the life You're calling me to
Pulling me out of the darkness and
Pulling me out of the lies
Putting the beat in my heart again
I was a dead man walking
Until You loved this dead man walking back to life
I was a dead man walking
Until You loved this dead man walking back to life

Jude

 1    JUDE, the servant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James, to them that are sanctified by God the Father,
    and preserved in Jesus Christ, and called.

2    Mercy unto you, and peace, and love, be multiplied.

3    Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, 
    and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints.

4    For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men,
    turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.

5    I will therefore put you in remembrance, though ye once knew this, how that the Lord, having saved the people out
    of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed them that believed not.

6    And the angels which kept not their first estate, but left their own habitation, he hath reserved in everlasting chains 
    under darkness unto the judgment of the great day.

7    Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, 
    and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

8    Likewise also these filthy dreamers defile the flesh, despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities.

9    Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring
    against him a railing accusation, but said, The Lord rebuke thee.

10    But these speak evil of those things which they know not:  but what they know naturally, as brute beasts, in those
    things they corrupt themselves.

11    Woe unto them for they have gone in the way of Cain, and ran greedily after the error of Balaam for reward, and 
    perished in the gainsaying of Core.

12    These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves without fear:  clouds
    they are without water, carried about of winds;  trees, whose fruit withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked
    up by the roots;

13    Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame;  wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness
    of darkness for ever.

14    And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten
    thousands of his saints,

15    To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they
    have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him.

16    These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts;  and their mouth speaketh great swelling words,
    having men's persons in admiration because of advantage.

17    But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;

18    How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.

19    These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.

20    But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,

21    Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

22    And of some have compassion, making a difference:

23    And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire;  hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

24    Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory
    with exceeding joy,

25    To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever.  Amen.

    Jude - KJV

"Streams in the Desert" written by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman - a book of daily devotionals originally published in 1925

 Streams in the Desert - July 9th

    "I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."  Isaiah 48:10


    DOES not the Word come like a soft shower, assuaging the fury of the flame?  Yes, is it not an asbestos armor, against
which the heat has no power?  Let the affliction come--God has CHOSEN me.  Poverty, thou mayest stride in at my door;  but God
is in the house already, and He has CHOSEN me.  Sickness, thou mayest intrude;  but I have a balsam ready--God has CHOSEN
me.  Whatever befall me in this vale of tears, I know that He has CHOSEN me.

    Fear not, Christian;  Jesus is with thee.  In all thy fiery trials, His presence is both thy comfort and safety.  He will never leave
one whom He has chosen for His own.  "Fear not, for I am with thee,"  is His sure word of promise to His chosen ones in "the furnace of affliction."  --C.H. Spurgeon.


                    Pain's furnace heat within me quivers,
                        God's breath upon the flame doth blow;
                    And all my heart in anguish shivers
                        And trembles at the fiery glow;
                    And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
                    And in the hottest fire hold still.

                    He comes and lays my heart, all heated,
                        On the hard anvil, minded so
                    Into His own fair shape to beat it
                        With His great hammer, blow on blow;
                    And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
                    And at His heaviest blows hold still.

                    He takes my softened heart and beats it;
                        The sparks fly off at every blow;
                    He turns it o'er and o'er and heats it,
                        And lets it cool, and makes it glow;
                    And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
                    And in His mighty hand hold still.

                    Why should I murmur?  for the sorrow
                        Thus only longer-lived would be;
                    The end may come, and will tomorrow,
                        When God has done His work in me;
                    So I say trusting, "As God will!"
                    And, trusting to the end, hold still.
                                            --Julius Sturm

    The burden of suffering seems a tombstone hung about our necks, while in reality it is only the weight which is
    necessary to keep down the diver while he is hunting for pearls.  --Richter

Bloom where you are planted......

 (The update I posted elsewhere almost two years ago.....September 2024)


I felt it was time for an update.....we are well....most importantly.... IT IS WELL WITH OUR SOULS....

No, we haven't yet come out on the "other side" of all this....but I do have faith that we are closer to the end than the beginning...
we take things one day at a time as we rebuild our lives....and do our best to shine where God has placed us....

We are grateful for the love and prayers of God's people....and are learning to be grateful for the curses and abuses that we endured throughout our lives....learning that EVERYTHING has a purpose for our good and His glory....learning it in the most difficult ways imaginable....and trusting that our Heavenly Father has wonderful things in store for us....to make up for the years the locusts have eaten and to bless us above and beyond anything we could ever ask or think...He has already and He continues to do so....

I feel like a butterfly in process of metamorphosis...it has been an extremely long process...

...still in the raft hanging on as the rapids flow through the tunnel...in the dark, but knowing that GOD HAS THIS ALL
UNDER CONTROL...remembering that HE PLANNED IT ALL FOR HIS PURPOSES....and I am SO incredibly humbled to be 
chosen for this small part of HIS STORY...Yes, it has felt like a dozen or more Bible stories playing out in our lives...snatches from
this one and that one...over and over....it is true....we are living epistles and we are a "Bible story"....

I don't have scripture references listed, but those of you who know your Bible surely recognize His Word.

This poem meant a lot to me back in "the old country" during our time of captivity....and it still means a lot...we aren't free yet...yet we sing....

        ...The caged bird sings with a fearful trill, 
        of things unknown, but longed for still, 
        and his tune is heard on the distant hill,
         for the caged bird sings of freedom....
                    
                    Maya Angelou

Crying tears of joy....'cause we're alive....cradled in Love....

The Score - Born for This (live)

 The Score - Born for This

[Verse 1]
I'm checking my vital signs
Drawing my battle lines, going to war again
Feeling the rhythm inside of my chest, all I need is just a pen
I know I was born for this
I know I was born for this

[Verse 2]
Don't care for the critics, my words are like physics:
A force that they can't stop
They just don't get it, I think they forget I'm not
Done 'til I'm on top
I know I was born for this
I know I was born for this

[Pre-Chorus]
I believe, I believe we can write our story
I believe, I believe we can be an army (Hoo)

[Chorus]
We are the warriors who learned to love the pain
We come from different places, but have the same name
'Cause we were, 'cause we were, 'cause we were
'Cause we were born for this, we were born for this (Oh-oh-oh, hoo)
We are the broken ones who chose to spark a flame
Watch as our fire rages; our hearts are never tame
'Cause we were, 'cause we were, 'cause we were

[Verse 3]
I've struggled for years and through all the tears
I've faced the doubts I hide
I never gave into my fears deep within cause
I heard my voice inside
I know I was born for this
I know I was born for this

[Pre-Chorus]
I will never lose my voice
If I cut out all the noise
I know I was born for this
I know I was born for this
I believe, I believe we can write our story
I'll believe, I'll believe we can be an army (Hoo)

[Chorus]
We are the warriors who learned to love the pain
We come from different places, but have the same name
'Cause we were, 'cause we were, 'cause we were
'Cause we were born for this, we were born for this (Oh-oh-oh, hoo)
We are the broken ones who chose to spark a flame
Watch as our fire rages; our hearts are never tame
'Cause we were, 'cause we were, 'cause we were
'Cause we were born for this, we were born for this (Oh-oh-oh, hoo)
[Bridge]
Oh-oh-oh, hoo
Oh-oh-oh, hoo
Oh-oh-oh, hoo
Oh-oh-oh, hoo
These words that I write are for someone like me
To know you're not alone
The moves that you make, yeah, they come up mistakes
Don't ever lose your hope
Just know that you were born for this
Just know you were born for this (Hoo)

[Chorus]
We are the warriors who learned to love the pain
We come from different places, but have the same name
'Cause we were, 'cause we were, 'cause we were
'Cause we were born for this, we were born for this (Oh-oh-oh, hoo)
We are the broken ones who chose to spark a flame
Watch as our fire rages; our hearts are never tame
'Cause we were, 'cause we were, 'cause we were
'Cause we were born for this, we were born for this (Oh-oh-oh, hoo)

[Outro]
We were born for this, we were born for this 

Nothing More - Face It (live at Irving Plaza)

 Nothing More - Face It

Moment’s now
Shed this doubt
Stand your ground
Face it

Feel the sound
Stronger now
Only one way out
Face it

No more time
No more light
The sun has turned
And the moon has died

No more time
No second life
A man is born
And the boy has died

Face it

It’s time, face it

I’ve bit the nail
I’ve swallowed truth
I’ve fought through hell
So who the f*ck are you?

You’ll never get to me
But I’ll get to you
I am the ugly truth 

Come and take it
Come and take it

Overwhelming
Overcoming
I’m on my own

Silencing the angels
In the better part of you
Calling on the shadow
From the bitter side of truth


Trusting the nature
In the darkest part of you
The chaos and disorder
From the bitter side of truth…

Face it

I am your gut 
I am the truth 
I am the power in you

I am the pulse 
That pushes through 
The cold blood inside of you 

Come and take it
Come and take it

Senses Firing
Realizing
I’m on my own 

Silencing the angels
In the better part of you
Calling on the shadow
From the bitter side of truth


Trusting the nature
In the darkest part of you
The chaos and disorder
From the bitter side of truth…

Set myself on fire
Gotta face this on my own
Flames are raging higher 
Gotta face this on my own

Moment’s now
Shed this doubt
Stand your ground
Face it

Feel the sound
Stronger now
Only one way out
Face it

No more time
No more light
The sun has turned
And the moon has died

No more time
No second life
A man is born
And the boy has died

Face it

It’s time 
It’s time 

No more time
No more light
The sun has turned
And the moon has died

Silencing the angels
In the better part of you
Calling on the shadow
From the bitter side of truth…

…in you…
…in you…
…in you…
…in you…
It’s you…in you…

Jack White - Connected by Love

Jack White - Connected by Love 

Woman, don't you know what I'm suffering from?
Ease my pain, make it wash on with the rain
Relieve me and put it up on your shelf
Take it away, and give it to somebody else

'Cause I know we're connected by love
Yes, I know we're connected, connected, connected by love
Yeah, I wanna be directed by your love
Connected by love

Friend of mine, you seem to know me best
You chose me out of all of the rest
Take me home with you, and help me forget
Let's take the worst and somehow turn it into the best

'Cause I know
We're connected, we're connected
We're connected by love
Yes, I know
We're connected, we're connected
We're connected, connected, connected by love
We're connected, we're connected
Yeah, I can't be rejected by your love
We're connected, we're connected
What have I done?
I have pushed away everyone
Help me forget
Let's put it all to bed
Forgive me, and save me
From myself
Don't forsake me, woman
And go and choose somebody else
'Cause I know
We're connected, we're connected
We're connected by love
We're connected
Yes, I know
We're connected, we're connected
We're connected, connected, connected by love
Yes, I'm infected, I need to be protected by your love
We're connected, we're connected
We're connected, we're connected
Connected, connected by love

Bastille - Daniel in the Den @ Manchester Victoria Warehouse 04.02.19

Bastille - Daniel in the Den 

Moving along in a pace unknown to man
Go go go go go go
Go go go go go
And you thought the lions were bad
Well they tried to kill my brothers
And for every king that died
Oh they would crown another
But it's harder than you think
Telling dreams from one another
And you thought the lions were bad
Well they tried to kill my brothers
And felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
They will come for you
And felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
They will come for you
Dreaming along in a pace you'll understand
Go go go go go go
No no no no no
And you thought the lions were bad
Well they tried to kill my brothers
And for every king that died
Oh they would crown another
And it's harder than you think
Telling dreams from one another
And you thought the lions were bad
Well they tried to kill my brothers
And felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
They will come for you
And felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
They will come for you
Oh to see
What it means to be free
Of the shadows and the dreams
That you claim to see
Oh
And felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
They will come for you
And felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
They will come for you
And felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
They will come for you
And felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
They will come for you
Felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
Felled in the night
By the ones you think you love
Felled in the night
By the ones you think you love, love 

Poets of the Fall - Love Will Come to You

Poets of the Fall - Love Will Come to You

Hey, what's going on? Whatcha doin' here?
Is there something wrong tonight?
Do you remember who I chose to be?
My best friend in this life
Life doesn't run a clear course
It flows through from within
It's supposed to take you places and leave markings on your skin

And those marks are just a sign of something true
you witnessed in your time
Of something new, like the start of something fine

Like morning dew love will come again to you
Like morning dew
Morning dew

Hey, can you tell me who you are?
The colour of your dawn
When the gates are open from last night's revelry on the lawn
And when the sounds of laughter still echo in your dreams
The smoke screen disappears and nothing is what it seems

And your tears have been worthwhile
They got you through to a different place and time where all is new
To the start of something fine

Like morning dew your love will come again to you
Like morning dew

Love is there when you open the door
and you step off the trail you knew before
Through the streets and the houses of gods you roam
and on their altars you lay your heart of stone

Till all laughter is claws on your skin
and your moments of clarity scream the hell within
When you fade like a rose in the gloom love waits outside your room

Like morning dew your love will come again to you
Morning dew

Incubus - Dig

 Incubus - Dig

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify
Look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes, you are my friend
We all have something that digs at us
At least we dig each other
(Ah, ah)
(Ah, ah)
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone, oh, oh, eh, ah
We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how we try
We all have someone that digs at us
At least we dig each other
(Ah, ah)
Oh, oh
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song (sing this song)
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone
Oh, each other
When everything else is gone
(Oh)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song (sing this song)
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone
Oh, each other (sing this song)
When everything else is gone
Oh, each other
When everything else is gone

Third Eye Blind - The Background

 Third Eye Blind - The Background

[Verse 1]
Everything is quiet since you're not around
And I live in the numbness now
In the background
I do the things we did before
I walk Haight Street to the store
And they say where's that crazy girl
You don't get drunk on red wine and fight no more
I don't see you anymore since the hospital

[Chorus]
The plans I make still have you in them
Cause you come swimming into view
And I'm hanging on your words
Like I always used to do
The words they use so lightly
I only feel for you
I only know because I carry you around
In the background

[Verse 2]
I'm in the background
Words they come and memories all repeat
I lift your head while they change the hospital sheets
And I would never lie to you no
I would never lie to you no
I felt you long after we were through, we were through

[Chorus]
The plans I make still have you in them
Cause you come swimming into view
And I'm hanging on your words
Like I always used to do
The words they use so lightly
I only feel for you
I only know because I carry you around
In the background


Cause I felt you long after we were through
Well you come swimming into view
And I'm hanging on your words
Like I always used to do
The words they use so lightly
I only feel to you

[Outro]
I only know because
I'm way I'm way in the background
I'm in the background

The Revivalists - Lay It On Me 

I should've known better when I took that trip 
Down that old dirt road in my crawling skin 
Knew I was wrong when I crossed that line 
But I make the same mistakes every time 

Still I, I try to travel light 

But I could carry your load 
On the banks of a river so cold 
If there's something that you gotta let go 
Just lay it on me 

Shoulda known better when I took that pill 
It was bad for my head, I had a good time still 
Flyin' down the street in a hearse with wings 
The trunk was full of my skeletons 

Original sin was a pretty good deal 
I was so f---ed up it felt so real 
And the purple sky when the moon came up 
Took a dip in the abyss of my crowded cup 

Still I, I try to travel light 
 
But I could carry your load 
On the banks of a river so cold 
If it's something that you gotta let go 
Just lay it on me 

Said I could carry your load 
On the banks of a river so cold 
If there's something that you gotta let go 
Just lay it on me, just lay it on me 

Just lay it on me 
Just lay it on me 
Just lay it on me 

Plumb - Need You Now (How Many Times)

  Plumb - Need You Now (How Many Times)

Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now
Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
Oh I need you
God I need you now
I need you now
I need you now

KATIA POJIDAEVA - CAPITALISM

 VERSE 1

This is Jane, she is working good 
Earning money for her goods 
This is Lou, He is kind 
He can handle all her funds

Lou married Jane one day 
They had kids, more bills to pay 
All the life around the money 
A big Fear to lose your comfy

This is Roger 
He is great 
He can make you pray today 
for his company and him 
As he paying salary

What is wrong - you'll ask me still? 
Nothing, Roger, sleep and kill 
All the dreams they had before 
Got the jobs to help you get rich more

CHORUS 

We wake up every morning for our march of tiny wheels 
Don't Look up to the sun , avoid your real thoughts to be seen
Just follow people right in front of you 
They gonna show you how to pray for Roger's view

VERSE2

Don't be ridiculous 
Just follow 
You know It's good to have your corner 
And Roger is our God 
He is great 
We love his company 
He pays 
We'll sell ourselves 
We'll sell our lifetime 
To make his company feels bright 
To make him buy a new sports car 
Or maybe yacht for his young wife

He wants our families to help 
He wants us to be part of jail 
No matter that the years will be gone
And he'll kick us out once we become old and tired

CHORUS

We wake up every morning for our march of tiny wheels 
Don't Look up to the sun , avoid your real thoughts to be seen
Just follow people right in front of you 
They gonna show you how to pray for Roger's view

BRIDGE

Jane, you know you have to pay attention to what your boss will say is right 
You need to dress up as he likes 
You need to treat him with your smile 
You don't feel good about it ? Forget 
He better knows, you won't regret 

All your colleagues will smile right to your face 
While they are watching all your steps 
To be the one instead of you
In Roger's tunnel's view

And our children will grow up 
And work for Roger long enough 
To Down the drain their lives away 
And to repeat the circle day by day

CHORUS 
We wake up every morning for our march of tiny wheels 
Don't Look up to the sun , avoid your real thoughts to be seen
Just follow people right in front of you 
They gonna show you how to pray for Roger's view

30 Seconds to Mars - Where the Streets Have No Name (MTV unplugged)

 30 Seconds to Mars - Where the Streets Have No Name

I want to run, I want to hide
I wanna tear down the walls that hold me inside
I wanna reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name, ha, ha, ha, ha
I wanna feel (I wanna feel) sunlight on my face (sunlight on my face)
I see that dust cloud disappear without a trace
I wanna take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name, oh oh
Where the streets have no name (oh oh)
Where the streets have no name (where the streets have no name)
We're still building then burning down love (burning down love)
Burning down love
(Oh) and when I go there (and when I go there)
I go there with you (go there with you)
It's all I can do

Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly

 Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly

[GUY]
I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that

[GUY & GIRL]
And words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react

[GUY]
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

[GUY & GIRL]
Take this sinking boat
And point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice
You have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly
Eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me
And erase me
And I'm painted black

[GUY]
Well, you have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you've won

[GUY & GIRL]
Take this sinking boat
And point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice
You have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly
Sing your melody
I'll sing it loud

[GUY]
Oh, ooh, oh
Take it all
Oh, I played the cards too late
Now it's gone

(spoken)
Two, three, four

The Revivalists - Blood on the River

The Revivalists - Blood on the River 

Long live the river within us 
As we disappear into the dust 
Taken from the well and the fountain of change 
As we sip from the vine of pleasure and pain 

You can have it all in your long black dress 
But you can't take it with you if you pass that test 
Feels right out here in the pines 
I take a walk by the river and I clear my mind 
(I take a walk by the river and I clear my mind) 

I watch 'em all fade away 
Behind their guns and the cavalry 
It’s all skinned knees and make believe 
'Til you end up hangin’ from the family tree 
Now there's blood on the river, you feel no pain 
God damn, it's a dreadful game 
Got no past, erased it fast 
No God, no shame, it's sad 
No God, no shame, it's sad 

Long live the river 
Long live the river 
Long live the river within us 

Trust no one's their philosophy 
Ain't nobody here to care for me 

(Wow) 
(Wow) 
(Wow) 
(Wow) 

Long live the river, long live the river 
Long live the river, within us 
Long live the river, long live the river 
Long live the river, within us 
Long live the river, long live the river 
Long live the river within us 
Long live the river, long live the river 
Long live the river, within us 

The Band Camino - Damage

The Band Camino - Damage 

[Verse 1]
All of me, half of you
On an island in your bedroom
Up all night, seeing sounds
Wondering where you spend the night now

[Pre-Chorus]
And I was a dead man walking
With bloodshot eyes, right place, wrong time
And you were an angel fallin'
At Duke's on Main, I was yours to take

[Chorus]
Even if I had to lose you to know you
I'd still be that temporary phase that you grow through
I wouldn't change, wouldn't change
Wouldn't change fallin' for you
I think I could manage
Being collateral damage

[Verse 2]
Before you ran back to your ex
And started havin' all your make-up sex

[Pre-Chorus]
I was a dead man walkin'
With bloodshot eyes, right place, wrong time
And you were an angеl fallin'
At Duke's on Main, I was yours to take
And I'm still that way

[Chorus]
Even if I had to losе you to know you
I'd still be that temporary phase that you grow through
I wouldn't change, wouldn't change
Wouldn't change fallin' for you
I think I could manage
Being collateral damage
If my time knew that you'd do nothing with it
I'd still be that cigarette that you couldn't finish
I wouldn't change, wouldn't change
Wouldn't change how it ended
I think I could manage
Being collateral damage

[Bridge]
I'd go back to your place again
Say things I'd never say again
Even if my heart breaks again
Again and again

[Chorus]
Even if I had to lose you to know you
I'd still be that temporary phase that you grow through
I wouldn't change, wouldn't change
Wouldn't change fallin' for you
I think I could manage
Being collateral damage
If my time knew that you'd do nothing with it
I'd still be that cigarette that you couldn't finish
I wouldn't change, wouldn't change
Wouldn't change how it ended
I think I could manage
Being collateral damage

[Outro]
I'll be collateral damage
I'll be collateral damage
(Collateral damage)
I'll be collateral damage
(Collateral damage)

The Revivalists - The World is Not Enough

 The Revivalists - The World is Not Enough

What are we doing here 
We love the hate we fear 
It all returns to dust 
As all it ever was 

The world is not enough 
The world is not enough 

Carried in the wind 
I'm going where I've been 
Since ever I was young 
Forever all at once 

The world is not enough 
The world is not enough 
The world is not enough 
The world is not enough 
 
We're buried in the flood 
The water's rising up 
Weather all at once 
What have we become? 
Loneliness on my life 

Heavy on my tongue 
What have we become? 
We'll die forever young 

The world is not enough 
The world is not enough 
The world is not enough 
The world is not enough 

Psalm 98 KJV and Scottish Metrical Psalter

 Psalm 98   KJV 

1    O SING unto the LORD a new song;  for he hath done marvellous things:  his right hand, and his holy arm,
    hath gotten him the victory.

2    The LORD hath made known his salvation:  his righteousness hath he openly shewed in the sight of the heathen.

3    He hath remembered his mercy and his truth toward the house of Israel:  all the ends of the earth have seen the salvation
    of our God.

4     Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth:  make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.

5    Sing unto the LORD with the harp;  with the harp, and the voice of a psalm.

6    With trumpets and sound of cornets make a joyful noise before the LORD, the King.

7    Let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof;  the world, and they that dwell therein.

8    Let the floods clap their hands:  let the hills be joyful together

9    Before the LORD;  for he cometh to judge the earth:  with righteousness shall he judge the world, and the people with equity.

Psalm 98   Scottish Metrical Psalter

1 O sing a new song to the Lord,
for wonders he hath done:
His right hand and his holy arm
him victory hath won.

2 The Lord God his salvation
hath caused to be known;
His justice in the heathen's sight
he openly hath shown.

3 He mindful of his grace and truth
to Isr'el's house hath been;
And the salvation of our God
all ends of th' earth have seen.

4 Let all the earth unto the Lord
send forth a joyful noise;
Lift up your voice aloud to him,
sing praises, and rejoice.

5 With harp, with harp, and voice of psalms,
unto Jehovah sing:

6 With trumpets, cornets, gladly sound
before the Lord the King.

7 Let seas and all their fulness roar;
the world, and dwellers there;

8 Let floods clap hands, and let the hills
together joy declare

9 Before the Lord; because he comes,
to judge the earth comes he:
He'll judge the world with righteousness,
his folk with equity.

Tim McNorris - On Top Of The World

 Tim McNorris - On Top Of The World

Oh Oh [x4]
I’m on top of the world, and now I’m livin’
And the good just gets better, keeps on givin’
Not even close to the end, it’s just beginnin’
Life is getting lighter
While the days are getting brighter, yeah

And it’s all good, I won’t even worry anymore
Took all my cares, took them, kicked them all, out the door
Go on and try it, come on and tell me what you’re waiting for
Move and keep on going, till’ your life is overflowing, yeah

I do a dance, do a dance of victory
Cause now I’m livin’ good, no I’m not livin’ like I used to be
Not talkin’ bout’ things, talking bout my mind
Now I’m free from the worries that I left behind

I gotta jump for joy, and shout aloud, and make a sound, oh
The world can’t stop me now, no
And on the music I will ride on the beat
Play my guitar, while I’m stompin my feet, yeah

I’m gotta celebrate life
And get excited about
Good times and good livin
Come on and shout it out, (HEY!)

Take it up, take it over, take it out of control
Today I’m freein’ my soul, and now you got me singin’
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Whoa

I’m feelin’ fine, smiling big, feelin’ right like I should
Life is better then good, ya, you got me singin’
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Whoa

I’m standing up, on top of the world tonight
And everything's working out, just right
And while the world is spinning
It’s a brand new beginning
I’m here finally winning (HEY!)
So, take it up, take it over, take it out of control
Today I’m freeing my soul, and now you got me singin
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Whoa

Oh Oh [x2]

We gotta be the best, the best we can be
And though sometimes we don’t wanna
Still we gotta chase our dreams
Reach up, and reach high, because we’re gonna pull on through
And give it all we got, even though it can seem so hard to

Catch and make happen, but we can’t start slackin’, come on
Do what ya gotta do to fight on
So no matter what comes your way
Nothin can ruin your day
Or even wipe your smile away

By the time I’m up and outta my bed
I got a hundred new ideas floatin’ round in my head
With a hope for tomorrow, a dream that I can see
Of all the awesome things, the great people we could be

And maybe by the music or the songs that I sing
I’ll change the world with the simple message that I will I bring
All I know is that it’s out there, there’s more to discover
And a lot of good things, we can learn from one another

Gotta celebrate life
And get excited about
Good times and good livin
Come on and shout it out, (HEY!)

Take it up, take it over, take it out of control
Today I’m freein’ my soul, and now you got me singin’
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Whoa

I’m feelin’ fine, smiling big, feelin’ right like I should
Life is better then good, ya, you got me singin’
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Whoa

I’m standing up, on top of the world tonight
And everything's working out, just right
And while the world is spinning
It’s a brand new beginning
I’m here finally winning (HEY!)
So, take it up, take it over, take it out of control
Today I’m freeing my soul, and now you got me singin
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Whoa

We became best friends. Then we discovered we were brother and sister | BBC News

...we discovered we were brother and sister 

Dave Green and Andrea Urmston met when their jobs overlapped at Manchester Airport bus station.
 
They became friends, but later it emerged that Dave was actually Andrea’s brother who had been adopted 40 years earlier.
 
In this video, they tell their extraordinary story. 

THE POWER OF HOPE - 2022 Gratitude page-a-day calendar

 
April 23-24, 2022

"It is a privilege to hold something robust and resilient called hope, which has the power to shift the world on its axis."

Krista Tippett

Lumineers - Stubborn Love

 Lumineers - Stubborn Love

She'll lie and steal and cheat
And beg you from her knees
Make you think she means it this time
She'll tear a hole in you, the one you can't repair
But I still love her, I don't really care
When we were young
Oh-oh, we did enough
When it got cold
Ooh-ooh, we bundled up
I can't be told
Ah-ah it can't be done
It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all
The opposite of love's indifference
So pay attention now
I'm standing on your porch screaming out
And I won't leave until you come downstairs
So keep your head up, keep your love
Keep your head up, my love
Keep your head up, my love
Keep your head up, keep your love
And I don't blame you, dear
For running like you did all these years
I would do the same, you best believe
And the highway signs say we're close
But I don't read those things anymore
I never trusted my own eyes
When we were young
Oh-oh, we did enough
When it got cold
Ooh-ooh, we bundled up
I can't be told
Ah-ah it can't be done
So keep your head up, keep your love
Keep your head up, my love
Keep your head up, my love
Keep your head up, keep your love
Head up, love
Head up, love
Head up, love
Head up, love

Real Life - Send Me An Angel '89

Real Life - Send Me An Angel '89 

Do you believe in Heaven above?
Do you believe in love?
Don't tell a lie, don't be false or untrue
It all comes back to you

Open fire!
On my burning heart
I've never been lucky in love
My defenses are down
A kiss or a frown
I can't survive on my own

If a girl walks in and carves her name in my heart
I'll turn and run away
Every day, we've all been led astray
It's hard to be lucky in love

It gets in your eyes
It's making you cry
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to do
You're looking for love
Calling Heaven above

Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now
Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now

Empty dreams can only disappoint
In a room behind your smile
But don't give up
Don't give up
Give up, give up, give up
You can be lucky in love

It gets in your eyes
It's making you cry
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to do
You're looking for love
Calling Heaven above

Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now
Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now

Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now
Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now

Right now

"Streams in the Desert" written by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman - a book of daily devotionals originally published in 1925

 Streams in the Desert - July 8th

    "They shall mount up with wings as eagles."  (Isaiah 40:31)

    THERE is a fable about the way the birds got their wings at the beginning.  They were first made without wings.  Then God made the 
wings and put them down before the wingless birds and said to them, "Come, take up these burdens and bear them."

    The birds had lovely plumage and sweet voices;  they could sing, and their feathers gleamed in the sunshine, but they could 
not soar in the air.  They hesitated at first when bidden to take up the burdens that lay at their feet, but soon they obeyed, and taking
up the wings in their beaks, laid them on their shoulders to carry them.

    For a little while the load seemed heavy and hard to bear, but presently, as they went on carrying the burdens, folding them over 
their hearts, the wings grew fast to their little bodies, and soon they discovered how to use them, and were lifted by them up into
the air--THE WEIGHTS BECAME WINGS.

    It is a parable.  We are the wingless birds, and our duties and tasks are the pinions God has made to lift us up and carry us
heavenward.  We look at our burdens and heavy loads, and shrink from them;  but as we lift them and bind them about our hearts,
they become wings, and on them we rise and soar toward God.

    There is no burden which, if we lift it cheerfully and bear it with love in our hearts, will not become a blessing to us.  God means
our tasks to be our helpers;  to refuse to bend our shoulders to receive a load, is to decline a new opportunity for growth. 

  --J.R. Miller


    Blessed is any weight, however overwhelming, which God has been so good as to fasten with His own hand upon our
shoulders.  --J. W. Faber

Metamorphosis

July 27, 2026

I suppose I've been experiencing something of what people call a "death of ego" lately......

Does the caterpillar worry what she'll be like after emerging from the cocoon or chrysalis?  Will people want to step on me or squoosh me?  or admire me?  or think I'm disgusting?   NOOOO!!!   of course not.... what emerges in God's perfect timing is so very different and utterly unrecognizable, but still lovely and precious and desired.....and most importantly...fitted for a purpose.


I suppose all the "deaths" I've experienced up to now were simply fleeting, temporal things....

Like death of status, position, death of vision, who I thought I was, what I thought my life was supposed to be like, etc. 

 But this "death of ego" thing is different.....truly, how can the pot complain to the potter
"why did you make me this way?"   The vessel that comes forth is useful and needful and maybe beautiful, but the potter gets all the glory....because without the potter, the lump of clay would simply be trodden under foot...nothing.

So.... whoever I am at the end of this is EXACTLY who God wants me to be and I sure don't need to cry and worry about "will I ever have any wit, humor, cleverness, intelligence, eloquence, capabilities, beauty, wisdom, and....(like I thought I had before) in my life..."

Whatever qualities I may still possess or gain through all this....will be exactly what/who God chooses me to have and to be for HIS GLORY and for HIS PURPOSES and I am SOOOOO fine with that.....but I had to voice all this last night.....and acknowledge that it is something I've been concerned about....in this existence of surviving....doldrums...loneliness....lack of social connection...meaningful conversations.......one begins to wonder these things...I truly feel like the mush of a caterpillar in the cocoon......

How will I "DO LIFE" and relationships after this?  What will that look like?  From a life of NEVER BEING ALONE to a life of almost always BEING ALONE.....to ....what?   Maybe never being alone again!!  Could I handle that!?!?!?

 I've been completely surrounded by life sucking, soul squashing narcissists (and worse) ALL MY LIFE, but for a few days or hours here and there with certain people sprinkled throughout.  So....who will I be?  How will I navigate life?  Love?  I honestly do not know.   But GOD DOES..... thankfully I don't need to worry about that!!!   

       

 So, Debbie, dry your tears....buck up as you always manage to do (with HIS GRACE and STRENGTH!!! not my own) and carry on....this season will pass (and I really can't imagine what I'll think about it or remember looking back on it. ) 
 

 Enjoy the moments of peace when they come...when the crazies aren't nearby....when the emotions of the world aren't too heavy and BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.....

and..... Breathe......Just Breathe....
 

 And remember .....your chief end is to ENJOY GOD AND GLORIFY HIM FOREVER!!!!   Hallelujah!!!!

 

Thanks for listening to me...and praying for us and each other.....

sending hugs and love and blessings to ALL MY DEAR ONES.....

 

show MONICA cover - Thirty Seconds to Mars - Hurricane (feat. J)

 show MONICA (feat. J) - Hurricane ( 30 Seconds To Mars ) 

 No matter how many times that you told me you wanna to leave, 

No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breathe, 

No matter how many nights did you lie when I'd wait to the sounds of pausing rain, 

Where did you go (3x) 



Heart beat, a heart beat, I need a heart beat, a heart 


Tell me would you kill to save a life 

Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? 

Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn 

This hurricane chasing us all underground 




No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forgive, 

No matter how many lies that I live, I would never regret, 

There is a fire inside of this heart, a riot about to explode into flames, 

Where is your God? (3x) 




Do you really want? 

Do you really want me? 

Do you really want me dear? 



Do you really want? 

(A heart beat, a heart beat, I need a heart beat, 

You know I gotta leave, I can't stay, I know I gotta go, I can't stay) 



Tell me would you kill to save a life 

Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? 

Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn 

This hurricane chasing us all underground 



You say you wrong, you wrong, I'm right, I'm right, you're wrong, we fight 

Ok I'm runnin from the light, when from a day to night, oh 

The quiet silence defines our misery, 

The riot inside keeps trying to visit me, 

No matter how we try, it's too much history, 

Too many bad notes playing in our symphony, 

So let it breathe, let it fly, let it go, 

Let it fall, let it crash, burn slow 

And then you call upon God (2x) 



Tell me would you kill to save a life? 

Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? 

Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn 

This hurricane chasing us all underground 

Demi Lovato - Warrior

 Demi Lovato - Warrior

This is a story that I have never told
I gotta get this off my chest to let it go
I need to take back the light inside you stole
You're a criminal
And you steal like you're a pro'

All the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I was broken and bruised

Now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again

Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire
You can save your apologies
You're nothing but a liar
I've got shame, I've got scars
But I will never show
I'm a survivor
In more ways than you know

'Cause all the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I'm not broken or bruised

'Cause now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me

There's a part of me I can't get back
A little girl grew up too fast
All it took was once, I'll never be the same

Now I'm taking back my life today
Nothing left that you can say
'Cause you are never gonna take the blame anyway

Now I'm a warrior
I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again

No-oh, ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah
You can never hurt me again

Christina Perri - Only Human

Christina Perri - Only Human

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days if that's what you want
Be your number one

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds if that's what you need
Be your everything

I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human
I can take so much
'Til I've had enough

'Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

"Streams in the Desert" written by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman - a book of daily devotionals originally published in 1925

 Streams in the Desert, February 21st

    "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him."  (Psalm 37:7)

    HAVE you prayed and prayed and waited and waited, and still there is no manifestation?

    Are you tired of seeing nothing move?  Are you just at the point of giving it all up?  Perhaps you have not waited in the right way?
  This would take you out of the right place--the place where He can meet you.

    "With patience wait"  (Romans 8:25).  Patience takes away WORRY.  He said He would come, and His promise is equal to
His presence.  Patience takes away your WEEPING.  Why feel sad and despondent?  He know your need better than you do,
and His purpose in waiting is to bring more glory out of it all.  Patience take away self-WORKS.  The work He desires is that
you "believe" (John 6:29), and when you believe, you may then know that all is well.  Patience takes away all WANT.  Your desire
for the thing you wish is perhaps stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled in its arrival.

    Patience takes away all WEAKENING.  Instead of having the delaying time, a time of letting go, know that God is getting a larger
supply ready and must get you ready, too.  Patience takes away all WOBBLING.  "Make me stand upon my standing"  (Daniel 8:18).
God's foundations are steady;  and when His patience is within, we are steady while we wait.  Patience gives WORSHIP.  A praiseful
patience sometimes "long-suffering with joyfulness" (Colossians 1:11) is the best part of it all.  "Let (all these phases of ) patience
have her perfect work" (James 1:4), while you wait, and you will find great enrichment.  --C.H.P.

            Holed steady when the fires burn,
            When inner lessons come to learn,
            And from this path there seems no turn--
            "Let patience have her perfect work." 
                                    --L.S.P.

Job Chapter 41

1    CANST thou draw out leviathan with an hook?  or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down?

2    Canst thou put an hook into his nose?  or bore his jaw through with a thorn?

3    Will he make many supplications unto thee?  will he speak soft words unto thee?

4    Will thou play with him as with a bird?  or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens?

6    Shall the companions make a banquet of him?  shall they part him among the merchants?

7    Canst thou fill his skin with barbed irons?  or his head with fish spears?

8    Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more.

9    Behold, the hope of him is in vain:  shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him?

10    None is so fierce that dare stir him up:  who then is able to stand before me?

11    Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him?  whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine.

12    I will not conceal his parts, nor his power, nor his comely proportion.

13    Who can discover the face of his garment?  or who can come to him with his double bridle?

14    Who can open the doors of his face?  his teeth are terrible round about.

15    His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal.

16    One is so near to another that no air can come between them.

17    They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.

18    By his neesings a light doth shine, and his eyes are like the eyelids of the morning.

19    Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.

20    Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.

21    His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.

22    In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into joy before him.

23    The flakes of his flesh are joined together:  they are firm in themselves;  they cannot be moved.

24    His heart is as firm as a stone:  yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone.

25    When he raiseth up himself, the mighty are afraid:  by reason of breakings they purify themselves.

26    The sword of him, that layeth at him cannot hold:  the spear, the dart, nor the habergeon.

27    He esteemeth iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood.

28    The arrow cannot make him flee:  slingstones are turned with him into stubble.

29    Darts are counted as stubble:  he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.

30    Sharp stones are under him:  he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire.

31    He maketh the deep to boil like a pot:  he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment.

32    He maketh a path to shine after him;  one would think the deep to be hoary.

33    Upon earth there is not his like, who is made without fear.

34    He beholdeth all high things:  he is a king over all the children of pride.

    Job Chapter 41 - KJV

First Peter Chapter Three

 1    LIKEWISE, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands;  that, if any obey not the word, they also may
    without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

2    While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

3    Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of
    putting on of apparel;

4    But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek
    and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

5    For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being
    in subjection unto their own husbands:

6    Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord:  whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are
    not afraid with any amazement.

7    Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the
    weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life;  that your prayers be not hindered.

8    Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

9    Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing:  but contrariwise blessing;  knowing that ye are thereunto
    called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

10    For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they 
    speak no guile:

11    Let him eschew evil, and do good;  let him seek peace, and ensue it.

12    For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers:  but the face
    of the Lord is against them that do evil.

13    And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good?

14    But and if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happy are ye:  and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;

15    But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts:  and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you
    a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

16    Having a good conscience;  that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that
    falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.

17    For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.

18    For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put
    to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit:

19    By which also he went and preached unto the spirits in prison;

20    Which sometime were disobedient, when once the longsuffering of God waited in the days of Noah, while the
    ark was a preparing, wherein few, that is, eight souls were saved by water.

21    The like figure whereunto even baptism doth also now save us (not the putting away of the filth of the flesh,
    but the answer of a good conscience toward God,) but the resurrection of Jesus Christ:

22    Who is gone into heaven, and is on the right hand of God;  angels and authorities and powers being made 
    subject unto him.

    First Peter Chapter Three - KJV

Collective Soul - Counting the Days -- Civic Center Park - Fort Collins, Colorado - 6-14-2014

Collective Soul - Counting the Days

Hey, baby, are you listening?
I've battened all the hatches down
I've taken all of your prescriptions
But no remedy I've found

Counting the days (yeah)
Until some freedom can scream my name
Counting the days (yeah)
Until the gods break these chains

Hey, baby, are you watching?
I'm saddled in for your side show
I'm never one to become precious
'Cause life is so touch and go

Counting the days (yeah)
Until some freedom can scream my name
Counting the days (yeah)
Until the gods break these chains

Dig in, get in, dig in. What you're looking for?
Dig in, get in, dig in. What you're searching for?
Dig in, get in, dig in. Yeah, dig
Yeah, dig

Counting the days (yeah)
Until some freedom can scream my name
Counting the days (yeah)
Until the gods break these chains

Counting the days (yeah)
Until some freedom can scream my name
Counting the days (yeah)
Until the gods break these chains

Break these chains
Break these chains
Break these chains

blink - 182 "Dammit" (Well I guess this is growing up) live Cochella 2023

 blink - 182  "Dammit" (Well I guess this is growing up)

It's alright to tell me 
what you think about me 
I won't try to argue 
or hold it against you 
I know that you're leaving 
you must have your reasons 
The season is calling 
your pictures are falling down 

The steps that I retrace 
The sad look on your face 
The timing and structure 
Did you hear he fucked her 
A day late a buck short 
I'm writing the report 
On losing and failing 
When I move I'm flailing now 

And it's happened once again 
I'll turn to a friend 
Someone that understands 
Sees through the master plan 
But everybody's gone 
and I've been here for too long 
To face this on my own 
Well I guess this is growing up 
Well I guess this is growing up 

And maybe I'll see you 
at a movie sneak preview 
you'll show up and walk by 
on the arm of that guy 
And I'll smile and you'll wave 
we'll pretend it's okay 
The charade it won't last 
when he's gone I won't come back 

And it's happened once again 
You'll turn to a friend 
Someone that understands 
Sees through the master plan 
But everybody's gone 
and you've been here for too long 
To face this on your own 
Well I guess this is growing up 

Well I guess this is growing up(5X)

Linkin Park - Emptiness Machine (live at Wembley 6- 28-2025)

 Linkin Park - Emptiness Machine

[Verse 1: Mike Shinoda]
Your blades are sharpened with precision (Precision)
Flashing your favorite point of view (Point of view)
I know you're waiting in the distance (Distance)
Just like you always do, just like you always do

[Pre-Chorus: Mike Shinoda]
Already pulling me in, already under my skin
And I know exactly how this ends, I

[Chorus: Mike Shinoda]
Let you cut me open just to watch me bleed
Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be
Don't know why I'm hopin' for what I won't receive
Fallin' for the promise of the emptiness machine
(The emptiness machine)

[Verse 2: Emily Armstrong, Emily Armstrong & Mike Shinoda]
Goin' around like a revolver (Revolver)
It's been decided how we lose (How we lose)
'Cause there's a fire under the altar (The altar)
I keep on lyin' to, I keep on lyin' to

[Pre-Chorus: Mike Shinoda & Emily Armstrong]
Already pulling me in, already under my skin
And I know exactly how this ends, I

[Chorus: Emily Armstrong]
Let you cut me open just to watch me bleed
Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be
Don't know why I'm hopin' for what I won't receive
Fallin' for the promise of the emptiness machine

[Bridge: Mike Shinoda, Mike Shinoda & Emily Armstrong]
I only wanted to be part of something
I only wanted to be part of, part of
I only wanted to be part of something
I only wanted to be part of, part of
I only wanted to be part of something
I only wanted to be part—

[Chorus: Emily Armstrong]
I let you cut me open just to watch me bleed
Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be
Don't know why I'm hopin', so f--in' naive
Fallin' for the promise of the emptiness machine
The emptiness machine

[Outro: Mike Shinoda & Emily Armstrong]
(I only wanted to be part of something) The emptiness machine
(I only wanted to be part of) The emptiness machine

Mammoth - Take a Bow -- WDHA Exclusive Show

 Mammoth - Take a Bow

No
Now what have you done? No
How far will you run?

Falling one by one
Is that enough for you my love? 
Failing everyone
Am I enough for you my love?

I swear I thought it was over
Just let me know when you're done

And when the lights start fading 
Take a bow it's over for me
You're wrong at the right time. Save me 
Take a bow you're devastating

Now
take back what you've done 
Now
Got nowhere to run 
nowhere to run

Oh god just let it be over
I can't believe what you've done

And when the lights start fading
Take a bow it's over for me
You're wrong at the right time. Save me
Take a bow you're devastating

Lost in darkness
Did you forget what you're fighting for? 
Crossed and heartless
Did you forget what you're running from?

Keane - Nothing in My Way (Live at ULU London, UK 2006)

 Keane - Nothing in My Way

A turning tide
Lovers at a great divide
Why do you laugh
When I know that you're hurt inside?

And why'd you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say?

And why'd you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

A tell-tale sign
You don't know where to draw the line

And why'd you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say

And why'd you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

Well, for a lonely soul
You're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul
You're having such a nice time

For a lonely soul, it seems to me
That you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

For a lonely soul
You're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul
You're having such a nice time

For a lonely soul, it seems to me
That you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time